Archive | January 2014

Little ponders

I often ponder about the world and it’s offers that it shares, creeping softly into my soul and nestling down in there.
Some of them so good, while others seem so bad, looking down from this fence, no difference can be had.
I can either choose the right, a nieve but righteous way. Or i can choose the left enduring my mortality.
Simple is not the choice, and blind is not the eye. Foolish are not the steps I take in subtle stride.
For everytime I choose, it a choice that I have made. My agency and free will, that my boogie man did not take from me.
So here I sit and ponder again what life, it has in store…
For every seemingly bad choice made, can be used as a stepping stone.

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37 days… But who’s counting?

Wow. March 1st is so close. Despite endureing an eternity to reach it. I toy back and forth with the thought that it is just too good to be true. My perfect husband, the absolute love of my life, has been in county jail since July of 2013. The few agonizing months of him being gone, I am sure is nothing compared to those who have loved ones locked up for years, even life. But the stress is the same. For my partner, lover, co-parent is gone.I sit by on the side lines waiting for any type of connection with him. A phone call,a weekly visit, the two very things that my sanity clings to. I cant bear life without him. As I go on through out the day, I know that life does after all go on, but i would be lying if I were to say that I don’t think about him at least every hour.

Our daughter, who has only known her father to be anything but a staple in her short life, is affected with the anxiety and attachment issues that go along with not having another permanent parent around. She has me, but just as she gets attached and used to seeing her daddy every day and night, he has ended up back in jail as a consequence for violating drug court policies. Anywhere from a few hours to a few months, even back to a residential treatment center. I am happy to say that he will be home shortly and ” This too shall pass…”  and he will no longer be apart of the drug court system again. He will be home with us for good. We are counting down the days till it happens.

I am excited, and nervous. Our job that we work at together has held his job for him all of this time. I know that he is excited to get back to work and I know that the children are excited to have their papa home. I can’t wait till I can pick him up. I am looking forward to the reunion of him and our youngest daughter. See my husband become a father and seeing the adoration and love he has for all of the children is not only special but is sacred to me as well. time can not hurry fast enough.